Dream a Skinny Dream

Here I sit, waiting for my BRAND-SPANKING NEW thyroid pills to miraculously turn me into the svelte young perky-boobed thing I was in my early 20's.  VERY early 20's. Like 20.  And possibly 21, before I dated Sky King and got all, "damn, is that cake--hook a sistah up!"

Because that bag of doorknobs?  My ass.

That sack of feral cats fighting? My belly, hanging over my stretchy-yet-cotton-y panties (Man, I LOVE Lyca!).

Those (as Monkey Boy refers to them) saggy flapjacks?  The same saggy flapjacks that fed two children for apparently WAY too long.  When I'm trying to look sexy for Sky King, I tuck most of the mass into my shaved-within-the-past-week pits. That way, I have cleavage, instead of CLEAVAGE. 

On a related note, did you know that boob sweat can void the warranty on your cell phone? Ladies, keep those iPhones away from the twins.

So, as I said, I'm waiting for the weight to drop off-, sloughing off into the ether, leaving me tan, hot, and about 5 inches taller.  Or at least able to wear my least-stretchy jeans.  When I can actually tolerate clothing that restricts air flow.

A girl can dream, can't she?

Sorry. It's Been Too Long. Too Too Long. My Bad.

I was recently told by one of my most loyal readers that I only posted 6 times in July.  6.  SIX!

I feel horrible.  So to make it up to you, I am going to do my very very best to inundate you with a ton of amazing new posts. 

They are guaranteed to be filled with bad words, incredibly graphic descriptions that will curl your toes, and/or disgusting health information.

You're welcome.

Here's a teaser:

I just cycled my meds (that's a technical term I totally just made up, which means that I changed out some of the shit I gulp each day.  Typically, this involves getting used to the new drugs, and the side effects are pretty EPIC.).

I was put on Rifampin.  This drug is usually used for TB and Meningitis. And, it's only $85 per month! Awesome. The pills are bright red.  Why?  So that when you pee, you are horrifyingly alarmed. 

Child Development Peeps:
Yellow and red make = Orange!

Orange pee.  Like Tang, but no astronauts.

HA!  I just said "ass". 

More on my ass, later.

In the meantime, send me all your granny shawls, full coverage skirts, and dowdy hats----it's Doxy Time! (Didn't Hammer do a song about Doxycycline?  Doxy Time......My-my-my-my Lyme hits me so hard.....Hammer, don't go in the sun......)

Is there a way to make cute musical notes appear here-------->  ?

Anywhoooo.

:::keeping day job:::

I just got back from back-to-back camping excursions. And I survived.  Despite the acclimation to new drug effects  (affects?) (Sorry, my Lyme brain is extra broken lately) ( I could look it up, but I'm feeling NOT-ish right now).  And the less-than-warm reception my snoring earned.  Incidentally, no one likes people that show off by staying up past 9 pm, alright?

And?  When people asked why I wasn't drinking, I had a FAB time telling them:

*I'm more of a pill-popper
*Alcohol fucks with my anti-psychotics
*Dude.  It'll chill my heroin buzz

Most people stopped talking to me.  Which is why I went to bed early.  And because I'm a pussy.

But, I saw Dr. Lyme recently, and he had some good-ish news for me.  Except that I'm starting menopause early, and I should stock up on extra-absorbant pants. (for the sweating, you pervs.) Why don't pants get ratings based on absorbancy?

I'm getting ahead of myself, and I have shit to do.  Like, chill.  And maybe watch some TV.  I missed TV. Or, I at least missed the couch near the TV.  Same thing, right?

More on all this, later.

Kisses,
Aimee

Things I Shouldn't Do While Over-Medicated

There are things people should not do during certain times in your life. 
For instance, don't accept a marriage proposal and then seal the deal within a 24 hour period in Vegas (or any other city, for that matter).  Also, it's a bad idea to shop for groceries while hungry.  (Some of you are all, "She's funny but I just can't relate. Oh, there's one that makes sense.  Phew!")
I need to add one to the list: No computer-ing while hopped up on pain meds (or when upping one's meds.  I think computers and cell phones constitute "heavy machinery".)
Let me explain.

It has been rumored that there are people out there that get all hopped up on ambien for their sleep problems. Then, they go ape-shit spending money online.  I dream of such flamboyant shopping-without-consequences.  Until then, there is me, hopped up on too much pain meds, trolling the bowels of Etsy. And by bowels, I mean the bottom of the barrel, where the waste is stored.  Etsy is a website created for people who make all manner of handmade craftiness, and don't want to sell them on ebay.  Many of the items are brilliant, artistic, and wonderful. Sometimes, however, there is a fail.  a FAIL of epic proportions. In fact, there is a website dedicated to these fails:  Regretsy.
Ever since I found Regretsy, I have been trying, mostly in vain, to find something craptacular enough to qualify for the site.  Finally, I did.
It went down like this:
I was on Etsy, and had created an account.  Then, I was asked to rate certain items based on how much I liked them. This would allow the website to choose things that would suit my taste.  I must say, considering what I am shown, I probably need to restart my account, and do a new series of picks. But until then, I will troll for amazing finds.  Here is what I typed in:
"spoon jewelry"
Here I was a came across:

Yep.  That IS a mouse skull.  Yep, nestled next to a baby doll arm.  AND, it is even more hideous and disturbing in person. I have yet to broach the idea of wearing it.  Maybe I don't have the right chain? Maybe I value my marriage?  One of those is true, I am certain.

Facebook. Maybe Facebook needs to, after 8 pm, ask a series of questions that determines whether you are of the right frame of mind to be updating your status.  Or, Mark Zuckerburg could steal some algorithm from some dudes from college that will determine if a potential status update is considered too out of character for the poster.  (Or, my even suggesting that technology exists explains exactly how much I DON'T know about technology). Here are a few that caused me to pause the next day:

*Shameless self-promotion is the new "planking"
*Princess: Mom! Look what I found! Me: what is that? P: A squirrel head Me: Drop it. P: I'm just holding the whisker Me: PUT. IT. DOWN.
*On my way to the gym-I'm so healthy even my boogers are organic! (WHY was I on my way to the gym hopped up on meds???)
...and about 100 others, that my wonderful Sky King must've deleted.  Good gracious, he is fab.
Twitter:
*rip*--me, sneaking into the DLand $, cuz I don't have time to hit the bank. Shoulda used glue- sorry kids # vacationnightmares
Good news: finally found the China Markers I needed. Bad news: can't remember what they were for. Bought em anyway-it'll come to me.

Text my mother birthday gift ideas. Case in point:

I will say that my husband told me to NOT text this idea to my mom.  Also, a few days later I thought about it.  But my mom is an incredibly conscientious gift giver, and is always prompt, if not WAY EARLY.  (I inherited this trait.  Sorry, honey.)  So, I felt that it would be bad form to unrecommend the Forever Lazy creation.  Plus, I kinda still wanted it.
Then, on the night of my surprise party, I got it.  It came in this beautiful blue color, AND had matching socks, complete with treads, like they put on toddler socks.  While completely embarrassed, I was also intrigued, which caused me to try it on.  It was amazing-soft, cozy, and very functional-the back unzips for bathroom use. Genius, right?  On second thought, I stand behind this request.

Up Them Meds

Back in February 2011, I was prescribed Cymbalta. Now, Cymbalta is an anti-depressant that has shown, for reasons unknown, to block some of the pain associated with Fibromyalgia.

I started it, immediately felt crappy-dizzy, quiet, withdrawn.  I knew it took a while to get into my system, so I kept at it for a week or so.  I was still feeling like shit with the dizziness, yawning, quiet and sleepy, so I called my doctor. She suggested I switch to taking it in the evening, as I wasn't sleeping very good to begin with. (Sound familiar, fellow fibromites?)

After about another week or so, I started to see many of the side effects diminish.  I was left with some yawning, a dry mouth, and decreased appetite. I figured, I will drink lots of water, stop eating so damn much, and get over the yawning.  Because guess what? My muscular pain was going away! I wasn't having as much burning sensation in my fingers, my arms weren't aching, my legs weren't so tired-feeling.  My mood had improved, PMS was getting better, I wasn't being such a bitch (chronic pain can do that to ya).

After about 4 months, I started to have some anxiety, my mood swings were back with a vengeance, and I was still having some pain in my joints. I was worried that, not only was a struggling with increased fibro symptoms, but Rheumatoid Arthritis was knocking at my door (my blood work shows the RA, but my Rheumatologist says that I am symptom-free, and is not treating RA at this time). 

I sent a message to my primary, who said to double my Cymbalta.

This seemed to defy logic.  Something worked, then stopped working.  Take twice as much.

Didn't sound good.  Also, I was going to have to deal with some of the mood issues when I increased-it made me very quiet, to the point that my husband always thought I was mad at him.  (Apparently, I have a tendency to talk constantly, and quietness is a sign I'm about to open a major can of whoop-ass. Who knew?) So, we battened down the hatches, and doubled up.

The quietness came back a bit, but not as bad as the beginning.  After about 4 weeks, I can say with certainty that my pain has decreased even more.  My dizziness is limited to when I get up too fast, and it seems to be working!

I feel fairly lucky, because many people have not had good results with Cymbalta-it seems to be a regular treatment option by the doctors, but most people find it to not be a positive addition to their treatment. Strangely, the doctors continue to prescribe it. Maybe because it still has a patent, and it costs $50 per month, with insurance?  I dunno.

 I have decided that I like the new, improved calm Aimee.  I know now that if I freak out at someone being unreasonable, they REALLY deserve it.  I LIKE not being such a crab.  Do you have any idea how much energy it takes to be a bitch most of the time? I'm guessing a few of you do, and I'm here to say that it's a pain in my ass having to keep up that reputation.  I find myself not flying off the handle as much, not swearing at the kids as much.  I like that.  I know that I have gotten quieter, less over-the-top-emotional-and-over-involved.  Not really missing that much.

I know my husband misses some of my crazy ways (what does that say about HIM?).  Hopefully over time I will even out a bit more. Otherwise, I may need to make lists of the obnoxious things I used to do regularly, and try to attempt a few now and then so he doesn't feel so confused.

Wish me (and him) good luck!

Improvements and Possibilities

Recently, I came across a study about Fibro that I really enjoyed reading---here is the link.

The really awesome thing about this study is that you can look at a ton of treatment options, from pain meds to marijuana to meditation and yoga, and see what people are finding helpful. In addition, there seems to be a drug, usually used for drug dependency, that has shown remarkable results. This is something I plan to discuss with my doctor.

Another thing I found interesting is that the medication I was put on, Cymbalta, is listed as not very helpful.  I however have benefited greatly from it. Out there in the Facebook and blogging worlds, most people have not benefited much, so I am feeling particularly fortunate today.

Here is a pic of the study results:

For more info, click the link above, and talk to your doctor about your options. Many of the options are inexpensive or free, like yoga and meditation, as well as dietary changes. I know people with chronic illnesses get sick of hearing other people telling them to try new things, but this time, it's coming from someone that has done so herself.

Gentle hugs!