Convo with Sky King, Part 2

Me: Hey…can you drive me to Target, so I can pick up some more wine glasses?

Sky King: No.  I’ll go.  What else do you need?

Me: I need some of those thingies that I use to put the stockings up, those sticky things that remove, from the commercials.

SK: Fine. I’m going.

Me: Wait!  I wanna go too!

SK: No way.  It’ll take forever. I will be just in and out.

Me: Please? I promise we will only get the two things.  Oh, and some nice candy dishes.  3 things, that’s it, I swear.  (This is where I do the Girl Scout Promise, with three fingers, hand raised)

SK: Fine.  Let’s go.  And remember, you promised. Just 3 things.  And anyways, why are you even doing anything? You were laid up on the couch being bitchy and in pain, just an hour ago.

Me: I took my pain pill. So I feel great, and full of energy.  That’s what they’re for.

SK: No, they are for getting rid of pain so you can relax. Not do more stuff.

Me: Ummm, no.  That wouldn’t work for me at all. I take them to get rid of the pain, so I can do more stuff.

SK: You’re just going to pay tomorrow.

Me: No, I’ll pay in January. When I sober up.

::: We go to Target, and I happen to grab a crinkly paper Santa hat centerpiece for the kids’ table :::

SK: 3 THINGS! YOU SAID, “3 THINGS”!

Me: Yeah, but I can just grab this one thing, it was about the time, not the number of items. If it takes….hey where are you going?

SK: To the wine glasses.  You’re pissing me off.

Me: So, no paper Santa garland, then? Last chance…

SK: (Harrumph) Let’s go.

Me: You get in line, lemme run back and grab that table cloth.  I really do need it, it’ll only take a sec (as I run off, leaving him to get in line)

SK: (via text message) Better hurry.

Me: Okay, I’m here, oh and the girls at work need new calendars, so this saves me a trip!

SK:  I knew it. Whatever.

Me: (crams two table cloths, two calendars, and two table runner on the belt, putting the calendars over the table runners he hasn’t noticed.  Kinda like when you used to buy condoms, and put them under a bag of chips.)

::: on the way to the car.  Sky King seems to have developed a tic that causes him to shake his head slowly back and forth, with his eyes closed. I’m beginning to worry::: 

SK: I can’t believe you talked me into all this crap.

Me: What?!?  You think I would change, like, overnight? Who’s the crazy one now?

SK: I thought I could control you.

Me: Yeah.  That’s pretty much where you fucked up. It’s like you don’t even know me.

And, scene

Fresh Day, Fresh Leaves, Fresh Undies

As promised, I am back today with a fresh start, fresh attitude, and fresh undies.
:::cue feminine hygiene commerical::: (you're welcome, JT)


(Woman stands, looking at herself in the mirror. In the background, Fall leaves swirl outside, seen through the window)
Announcer: Sometimes, you need a fresh start. Fresh make-up, fresh hair, fresh panties. You can't do much about gray lungs,  or a bloated fatty liver.  But, we at CooterClenz strive to make your insides feel as fresh as a basket of clean laundry. Why shouldn't everything inside be as fresh?

Woman: You're right!  I DO deserve to have fresh innards!  While I can't get a new esophagus-yet--I CAN make sure my ladybits are just as fresh, carefree and magical as the falling leaves outside. Thanks, CooterClenz!  You started my workweek out right!  And, with new Apple Cinnamon, my ladybits will remind the entire office that Fall is in the air!!!
(woman holds up box of CooterClenz)
New CooterClenz.  Original, Cotton Candy for the lazy days of summer, and now, Apple Cinnamon!! 


Where was I? Oh, yes.

Mental illness is quite the roller coaster, isn't it? I'm still pissy with my health, and those poor souls that try to explain it to me. But, I have new mugs in my Zazzle store, I look cute in a burgundy fall sweater, and I am still sleeping pretty well-I'm on a roll! Hell, I might even get shit done today! The world is my oyster.

I am in a good mood, my end-of-year stuff at work is falling into place thanks to the awesome chicks I work with, I won some yummy Zico coconut stuff from my local Gluten Free Specialty Shop (located conveniently at J and 26th, right downtown, for those of you in the Sacramento area-they don't pay me to plug, but they should-in LaraBars!) and fall is a-fallin'.

The leaves are swirling around with fury, and all I want to do is rake them into a pile and let kids jump in them. After I go first, of course. What is it about these leaves that have struck me as particularly magical today? I don't know, but I DO know I could use a little magic. And not the stabbing-pain-in-the-eye-voodoo-shit I have experienced as of late. I mean the magic that comes to children during this time of year. After all, I am just a big kid.  A big kid with a bra.  A big kid, with a bra, that swears a lot. Damn. That was almost poetic, and then my crazy brain muddled it. Shit. I was doing so well with the "fresh start" crap--almost like your favorite douche commercial as a child. 



Now, I got the kids-plenty to go 'round, as they say. All I need is the rake, a Raker, and a big liability rider.

Who's in?