Saturday, November 17, 2012

Mom Of The Year

Many of you already know what an amazing compilation of fabulous parenting decisions I embody.  You all marvel at my ability to avoid swear words until they ignore my request to get in the car the 5th time.  (Truly, I have the patience of a saint.) Many of you frequently stop me in the street, to ask why I don't begin drinking earlier in the day.  And you all look at the wonderful children I have produced and raised to perfection, not unlike people marvel at the Sistine Chapel.  I get it----I rock.

But did you know that I also bring a wealth of daily practical knowledge to my children, that they just don't get in school? I also encourage communication and social development, through a wide range of methodologies.

Here, let me show you:

A few days back, I was a helper in my daughter's class.  That morning, she needed a water bottle to take to school.  The cabinet we keep them in was bare, so I looked to the sink.  There I found the collapsible ones (you know, the ones that could double as flasks that are light, collapsible and contain nothing that sets off metal detectors at stadiums?) that we had taken to Maui (we had used them for Mai Tais at the beach) and I noticed they seemed to be sand-free.  This, to the untrained, implied that the cleanliness level of the water bottle was acceptable.I filled that sucker up with water, being an awesome mom that wanted her beautiful daughter to be hydrated.

Later that day, I sauntered into my child's Montessori classroom, with bags of goodies for their class party.

Princess sought me out immediately, with big hugs, as she usually does.  I, of course, relished the moment.

She looked up at me with her earnest big brown eyes, and said, "Mommy?  My water tastes like wine.  Next time, could you give me a water bottle that doesn't have alcohol in it?"

Fortunately, only 3 teachers and 2 other parents heard.  And some kids.  Frankly, I'm glad I missed "share time" that morning.

Later, when we didn't have any way to open the sparkling cider bottles, everyone knew to come to me.  My car?  Fully stocked with all the beverage-opening implements you could imagine.

It's like I'm a Girl Scout for alcoholics---always prepared for a party.

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