Shoving Crap in My Face

You are what you eat.  Which means I'm a gooey, yummy, fatty, sweet alcoholic.  (Actually, Sky King tends to agree...).  But you all may be aware I have been trying to change my diet for the better over the past, oh, year and a half or so.

Last February, I (mostly) gave up gluten, artificial sweeteners, and dairy.  Gluten and dairy made my pain significantly worse (and others agree, click here).  I did a very intense food elimination diet, which lasted several months.  As I tested each food, I would note which caused inflammation and pain, then re-test it later.  In the case of yummy fried foods (gluten) and ice cream (dairy) I tested over and over and over.  I'm nothing if not thorough.) Okay, just maybe I overindulged and paid dearly the next couple days.  Stop judging me.

finally, I came up with a list that works for me.  Do the research, figure out what you are willing to give up. It's amazing what will make that list if it reduces your pain.  Ben and Jerry's is rarely worth the pain that comes with it for me.

Nightshade!  Nightshade vegetables, all related to the Solanaceae family, cause lots of crap we don't need in our lives-joint pain, inflammation, and nerve problems.  Hell, that almost sounds like, hmmm...what was it?  Oh yeah, Fibromyalgia.  Hmmm. Once again, read up.  Potatoes, tomatoes, chiles and eggplant may be working hard to make your life miserable.

Add in some recommendations for Lyme Disease I stumbled across in my surfings, and we have quite a list:

Organic.
Dairy-free.
Gluten-free.
Nightshade-free.
Unprocessed.
Uncomplicated.
Without chemicals.
Without hormones.
Without drugs.
Void of manipulation.
With nutrients.
While still looking like food.

Harrumph.  What am I left with? Trail mix. With CHUNKS OF DARK CHOCOLATE. Organic dark chocolate, of course. Red wine, 3 glasses a week.  And I'm pretty sure I can chug those three glasses in one day.  And I have been getting ahead of my assignments-I'm up to June in wine consumption.  I would hate to have to cramp those three glasses a week in all at the end of the year.  Although, that might be fun, too.
Where was I?  Oh.  Fresh stuff.  Whole foods.  Low Glycemic.  Agave has become my friend.  (tequila counts, right?) And there I have it.  A small bit of control over this thing that has invaded my body, has ruled the roost for far too long.

Oh, lemon water, and avoiding chlorine.  So, margaritas, and lake skinny-dipping.  Who's with me?

Gluten-Free Congo Bars

 

This is a serious post.  Seriously yummy!  There is a recipe I have in a cookbook that is called Congo Bars.  The cookbook is just cookies, cakes and other desserts, so it has always been a favorite, along with my mom's Better Homes and Gardens cookbook, complete with burnt range rings on the back. Here is the original recipe:

·  1/4 Cup Butter

·  1 1/2 Cup Graham Cracker Crumbs

·  1 Can Unsweetened Condensed Milk, Eagle Brand

·  6 Cup Chocolate Chips

·  1 Cup Flaked Coconut

·  1/2 Cup Sliced Almonds

Since I can't have anything good or yummy EVER, I had to make modifications.  First, I use Nucoa Margarine sticks. Some people like the Earth Balance buttery sticks, but I think they taste funky.  You have to make sure it's the Nucoa with no dairy in it. It's also in foil, so you have to TAKE IT OUT OF THE PACKAGE BEFORE YOU NUKE IT.  Trust me.  On the positive side, Princess and I were both pretty amazed/scared shitless, so I don't think she will make that mistake independently. Glass half-full, people. 

Line a 13x9 pan with foil. The foil should go up the sides, so you can lift the bars out and cut them easily. Melt the butter/margarine of death in a 350 degree oven.  (I don't know how to type a degree symbol, do you?) Then, take the graham cracker crumbs (Or, Kinnikinnick Graham Style Crumbs) and mix them into the melted butter.  Then, pour the condensed milk over the entire mess.  I know, I can't have condensed milk.  And you have never seen sweetened condensed soy milk.  So, you go to the handy dandy website, andloveittoo.com and search for vegan sweetened condensed milk.  Make that, a few days ago.  Sorry, I should have said that before.  And, you will have extra, so you will need another recipe using sweetened condensed milk. I will get back to you on that one.  So put your fake sweetened condensed milk on there, smooth it around. Then, the chocolate chips. It says just a cup, but really? 1 cup?  I don't think so.  I use almost 2 cups. And I use the Guittard semi-sweet, which has no milk fat in them. Then, sprinkle on the coconut-once again, don't be shy. Finally, the nuts. I have used pecans, walnuts and no nuts.  Whatever you want.  Throw it all back into the oven, bake about 25-30 minutes, until coconut is browned.  And take a look at how awesome they look!  They are Monkey Boy's favorite.

Have a great weekend!

(Mom-did you notice I did that post with almost no bad words?)