Being on this new treatment, I keep waiting for the other shoe to drop. You know how you do that? No? Just me? Whatever, Asshole. Oh, and "Liar, Lair, pants on fire".
I posted about feeling hopeful the other day. I am hopeful. But I am also realistic, and everything I hear about Lyme treatment, every first-hand account? It gets ugly. Ugly ugly. It drove me to do something I was hoping to avoid. But then i could no longer put it off. I had "the talk" with both kids, separately. And not the "stop playing with yourself in the shower, Mother Nature is crying" talk.
It was the dreaded, "Mommy is sick, and going to take lots of medicine, and sometimes that medicine is going to make Mommy look like she is getting worse, not better. But this means the germs are fighting back, but it also means those germs are losing" talk. I did surprisingly fine during the talk. Princess said, "Okay. Can we have McDonald's?" Which means, we will be revisiting this at length, many many times in the coming years.
Stoic Monkey Boy stared at the wall 3 feet from my face, didn't ask any questions, and nodded. To be honest, I think he's scared. He's the one I worry about the most, because he's so in tune, empathetic with me.
About 6 months ago as I was gobbling large quantities of pills while chugging water, he said, "Mom, do those pills keep you alive?". My heart broke just a tiny bit that day. But I said, "No, they make me not want to kill you or your sister, when I don't feel well." I did, however, explain to him that I was kidding and that they just make my symptoms better, and that I would grow old and torture him for many more years to come.
But this means there's a lot going on in his head that he doesn't say. If you know Monkey Boy, he's not too chatty. With his close friends, yes. When he's surrounded by his peers that he's been in school with since 1st Grade, yes. But on average? Stoic. Quiet. Introspective. There's just so much going on is that head, there's no room for the words to escape.
I'm being strong for me, strong for my family. Being positive. Because if being a positive, stubborn obstinate bitch is going to kill this shit, I'm as good as healed.
Still I worry, and days like today, I get all think-y. Which ain't a pretty sight. I was doing so good, now the tears are barely staying away. So, I'm going to wrap this shit up. But not without leaving a little something for those of you fighting your own battle.
While perusing the internets, I came across a new (to me) blog.
I had Googled "Lemon water for Lyme Disease" and one of the first entries was this:
And I must say, I have a new blog to add to my roll. Good lord, I hope she swears. Diseases are no fucking fun without a whole lot of motherfucking swearing.