Sunday, May 13, 2012

For Mother's Day, I Got A Disease. Again.

As many of you know, because you all hang on my every word, Sky King is not fabulous at picking out gifts.  I have resigned myself to a life of, "Next week is my birthday, here is a list to pick from" or, "Our Anniversary is Tuesday.  Get me a card, funny or romantic, your choice. We have dinner reservations, you're buying".  Which is perfectly fine, because he has so many other amazing qualities.

Until now.

Everything has changed.

I came home the other day, and saw a package on the porch, from  I KNEW it had to be for me because he has been banned from putting all our potential investment money into comic books and other collectibles, so I came running in the house like a little kid that just found a two-headed slug and showed him the box, slightly rubbing my head on it. I may have purred.

He said, that's your Mother's Day gift, wanna open it?

Me: No. 

Me:  Yes.

Me: No, but yes.

Me:  ........

Sky King: Open it!

So I let Princess help me, and IMMEDIATELY, she's all, "AWWWWWW...!!!!!"  and I knew there must be something fabulous in there. Or horrifying.  Princess is strange.

I was right. (Not about Princess being strange, I don't think I have to prove that to anyone.)

There was a copy of Jenny Lawson's book, "Let's Pretend This Never Happened", which I had almost bought already because I couldn't wait to read it, and almost drove two-and-a-half hours to meet her and get her to sign it, only to drive right back home because something pressing was happening the next day, and I totally regret not going to the signing, because she may never ever ever come to NorCal again, and then how will I add her book to the collection of signed first copies?

But I hadn't bought the book yet, and Sky King knew it would make my day, even more than a tattoo gift certificate, or liposuction.

So, huge win. I pretty much devoured it, LOL-ing all the way, and had it finished before Mother's Day.  I will reread it again, soon.  Then I will put it on my "favored" bookcase, with all my other good books I'm not ashamed to own-you know, ones about smart topics like brain development, the entire Harry Potter series.  I have another bookshelf, hidden in the Random Room, filled with dogeared messes, and series I'm not completely proud to own.  You know, Nora Roberts books, Sky King's books on card tricks, guides that tell him the value of all the comic books he swears "will pay off" someday, and a few errant library books I likely owe $4000 in late fees to libraries that have long since been closed because of assholes that don't return books, like me.

Back to my gift.

In the bottom of the box hidden amongst several clear plastic tubes of air (that Princess says is full of deathly carbon dioxide, and can she "keep them pleasepleaseplease....YAY!") is a disease.  Specifically, Lyme Disease.  In stuffed animal form. (Or, as my kids call it, "soft pet" form)

It's like all of a sudden, we are soul-mates.  Or, we have always been soul-mates except for the gift-giving thing, which was really small in the grand scheme of things.  But now?

He's fucking perfection.  :::swoon:::

To recap:
  • Sky King now buys rad gifts, which makes up for the newspapers and horrifically inappropriate cards.
  • He intuitively knows what I have pinned on my "Random Shit I Love" Pinterest board.  Which can only be possible through some sort of black magic, because he thinks Pinterest is the Anti-Christ. (I'm thinking Anti-Christ is fully capitalized because it's a proper noun, right?)
  • I have an unnatural attachment to books, both cerebral and trashy.
  • Princess is getting stranger, and I'm pretty sure it's genetic.  I'm feeling a little guilty about that.

All this made up for the fact that I have caught some sort of antibiotic resistant illness that feels an awful lot like Strep throat, and the only thing that keeps my mind off the pain is lots of painkillers, followed by just enough wine to fuzz my brain, while not too much that will send me into a death spiral of psychotic episodes. 

How was your Mother's Day?

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