Friday, May 4, 2012

Tortilla, Naan, and Pita, Oh My!

Today, I made a ground-breaking observation.

American food (burgers, dogs, sketti, grilled cheese, shit like that) is completely lacking in one distinct way.

American food is missing a shovel.  An edible shovel.

Think: rice and beans, tikka masala, couscous.  All these things get spread all over the plate. And if you are NOT Sky King, you can't seem to manage getting away with using your thumb to shove it all onto a fork.  Or directly to the edge of the plate then into your face, like some crazed pubescent growing boy.  Not that I know anything about that.

 Many cultures have invented edible shovels.  Sometimes it's something firm like a chip, or pliable like a tortilla.  Either way, it is a distinctly sophisticated way to get food into your piehole.

American food doesn't have that. unless you count garlic bread, which never makes it to the end of the small bits, so it totally doesn't count. In fact, I think a "back-up garlic bread" situation is in order, to sop up remaining noodles and sauce the next time I'm at Buca di Beppo.  (Is that a chain, everywhere? I really can't do Macaroni Grill, or Olive Garden, sorry.) It would be like after-dinner mints, but in garlic-bread form.

Chinese food is like this, too.  But I'm not here to pick on China.  They have enough problems, what with the communism and crimes against humanity. So I won't pick on them for their fried rice. This time.

There's plenty of American food that could use some assistance: Rice-a-Roni, rice.  Well, Rice-a-Roni doesn't really count. Especially the way I make it-it tends to glop together so it's fairly fork-able.  And I will give you that rice is more Asian than American.

Now that I think about it, most American food does not require little bits being savored. 


Most pasta is Italian.  Burgers, dogs, and sammies all come in edible wrappers.  Which in itself is pretty genius. 

I guess what I'm saying is, I love food with edible shovels.

Thank you, India.
Thank you, Greece.
Thank you, Turkey.
Thank you, Mexico.

What am I, an Alanis Morrisette song?

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