The other night, Sky King and I were getting ready to watch a Rated-R movie. The stars had aligned. This means that Princess was sound asleep under the euphoric glow of her Unicorn Dream Light, Monkey Boy had gone upstairs to text all the middle-school girls with boobies in the tri-state area, and I had decided that I could manage to stay up past 8:15 for once.
Hell, I can't sleep without Ambien, so if I just take it later, then have the next day to chill, what's the prob, right?
So we are fully engaged in the previews for other movies, and we are talking about talking animals, because I saw an ad for the show, "Wilfred", with a talking dog that smokes and swears---totally my kind of stuff. Wilfred reminds Sky King of a movie we had meant to see.
Sky King says, "Ted! We haven't seen 'Ted' yet!" I agree, and remark, "I can always go for a lil Marky Mark. He can funk my bunch any day."
Sky King says, "Mark Walberg? Total pixie." He then paused, leading me to believe he actually has that little voice on his shoulder that feeds him small amounts of logic, realizing Mark Walberg is a badass mofo, and could scissor-kick most people into next week, while still unwrapping a fresh new pair of nun-chuks. So he adds, " Ha-what the hell am I saying! He could kick my ass so bad if I said that to his face."
I laughed, because while Sky King is MY hero, he hasn't been giving Jason Statham a run for his money. I mean, Sky King can open even the toughest pickle jars,but action hero? Not so much. Ass-kicking mofo? Nah.
All of a sudden, my imagination kicked in. The brains, they stated workin'. The hamster was making the wheel its bitch. My mind began to wander, as it does. And then I wondered if Mark Walberg was on Twitter. I got to thinking, I could tweet what Sky King just said, then hopefully Mark Walberg would come to my house personally to kick Sky King's ass-not that I want Sky King to bleed on my rug, but there ARE side benefits. For instance, while he was punching my husband in the face, I might be able to sneak a few ab peeks in. And maybe an ass-grab. See? Win.
I then realized Mark Walberg was such a badass, he could do damage to my man merely through thoughts, which prompted this comment:
"Hell, he could TWEET you so hard, he could knock your front teeth out."
Which prompted, "Holy shit. That's funny, write that down!"
As you wish, my sweet doughy husband.