Wednesday, September 12, 2012

Internet Infamy. BTW, Where Is My Freakin' Wikipedia Page?

Today, my internet infamy grew just a scoach. (It's a word, Judgy Judgertons.  It means a teeny bit.  Check Urban Dictionary.)

This was a post of a friend of mine.  You can tell right away we have grown apart.  Probably because she's all classy and shit, being a show-off.

Driving [redacted] to preschool this morning I pulled up to a red light. Looked to my right to see a woman in an identical white SUV, I assume taking her child to preschool, sporting the same white bejeweled ceramic watch as me, sipping coffee through a straw, like me, so as to not stain her freshly bleached teeth, hair pulled back, like mine. Look to the car to my left and see the exact same thing. I'll bet they both had on black yoga pants too. What a suburban cliche I've become! :)

I laughed, because it's always funny when you realize enlightening shit about yourself.  I also laughed, because I got roped into the same drop-off as she did, on the same morning, but my comment was slightly different:

Aimee Walker Better than me, hair and teeth both unbrushed, Jammie pants, distended braless boobs, no shoes, hoping I don't wreck and have to get out.
5 hours ago via mobile · · 9

Did you notice anything?  
First, I'm keeping shit real.   Props.

Second, this TOTALLY happened (two days in a row....).  And I seriously was concerned I would get waved at by a mom that wanted to chat me up about something they heard/saw/did, or worse, a family that wanted to say "hi" to me as they walked to school as a group, younger sibs in tow.  This last one was the biggest fear, because there are two new families at my kids' school, that were in Preschool at MY school where I am the administrator, and I can't even imagine how embarrassed I would be, with food stains on my tank top from the day before (that way I don't have to wash jammies, because I love the freakin' earth, judgmental bitches...).  Hair askew.  Teeth, funkified.  Braless (truly one of the scariest sights, I assure you.).  Also, wrecking would be bad, because who wants THAT to come at you, especially before a large dose of caffeine?

Now, all I can think about is, maybe I should get my teeth whitened.  And, maybe I shouldn't dress like such a piece of shit.  And why are my kids okay with it all. 

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