Thursday, October 6, 2011

Flare Feelings

I know one of the things that is confusing to "normals" is: What is a flare, or flare-up?

Since I feel one coming on, I am going to do my best to put it into words.
Be warned:
I am only speaking from my experience, and only about my current experience. 

Yesterday, I was very busy.  The husband was off in the AM early to work, with a long day planned.  Last week was a busy week for him as well. Therefore, our house looks ever so slightly like a giant ogre ripped it from the foundation, flipped it upside down, and shook the crap out of it, flipping it back over and setting it in its place. Add to that a busy work week for me, and extra doctor's appointments along with the usual kid-sports obligations, and PMS-well, Hello, Flare!
The weekend went well, but I could feel an uneasiness brewing. It just feels like something is not quite right-you know when you feel a cold coming on, and you are just "off"?  That was me, this weekend. I did my best to work around it, but still went with my Sunday plans. I probably should have spent the day in bed, but I mistakenly believe that, one day, I will be able to be stronger than fibro, and work through a rough patch, rather than stop, drop and chill.
So back to yesterday---I was in a great mood, as BlogHer had featured me on their front page, so, as any good control freak would, I checked the computer ALL DAY, checking my blogger stats at least hourly.  I would stop to eat, fold some laundry, sort a cabinet. Then, back to the computer.
After school, I had to begin the micromanaging of Monkey Boy's homework (he's struggling with the work load of middle school, and it is the end of the cycle, so lots of projects are due Friday) and Princess's workload has increased as well-true, it's only a spelling workbook, but I have to explain some concepts to her that are confusing. Both wrists are starting to ache, with the left one feeling weaker as the day goes on, pain starting to radiate.
Monday night, the kids had a great night, and got off to bed mostly on time, which is a treat. Also, we prepared them both, by reminding them to do their best to not be crabby in the morning. 
Monday I slept fine, woke fairly well, and got the kids going with our routine. Sky King had left early for work, and I got through the morning.
But there is an uneasiness to me, a feeling that won't go away. It began when MB started teasing Princess, which is common.  Usually, it begins the whining, and this drives me batty. They were beginning to harp on each other to the point that it is going to get serious, and all of a sudden I had the overwhelming urge to scream at them both.  I was able to stop, check in with my body, noticed that I was feeling more and more off, and I calmly said to MB, "when you play around like that, I feel like we will leave late. Today, my body is not feeling well, and I don't want to have to rest the rest of the day. Can you help me by getting ready without fighting?".  MB knows my serious voice, and he nodded, and went about finishing up his morning.
Drop-off went well, and the drive to work was fine. I would have ditched, but I needed to touch base with a staff member, and do payroll.  So, I schlepped downtown.
Walking to work from my car, I started to feel even more uncomfortable.  It felt like my skin was too tight, and I could feel an anxiousness in my chest. 
Now, I know that I am starting an official flare.  I had to document this, finish up some paperwork, then it is home for me.

Flare is over.  I went home and talked to the husband, who ordered me to nap. I felt a bit better, and made it to the gym that night (amazing!).  I am just hoping that I will continue to only experience these minor inconveniences.

Last night while driving home, I thought, "Gosh, I'm so flippin' busy, I just don't have TIME to flare".  Kiss of death.  Just saying that means that I am doing too much, and a flare is imminent. I have been trying to do less, obligate myself less, over-extend less.  Then, I started feeling so damned good, I planned a bunch of crap (slow learner.  I know.) I am working on not doing so much-but that is still doing something, isn't it????

We will see what the weekend brings-hopefully, I will not spend my birthday weekend in bed. I'll be 39, not 99.

Wish me luck!

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