Thursday, October 13, 2011

Justify My....Anything

Sometimes, you need a reason to justify your spending, your wastefulness, your swear words.  Well, swearing isn't wasting, it's communicating vehemently, but still. You know what I mean.

In fact, just today a few of my galpals (what am I, Madonna???) and I were talking about effective parenting.  Not that i was justifying my way or anything, but just as the conversation was happening, we had a couple incidents happen all at once. And we all three agreed that, sometimes, anger is quicker.  For instance, I gave my child a chance to come over to us so we could all go on to the next thing-we were at the pumpkin patch. (I guess I should be happy my 12 year old even ALLOWED me to drag him to a pumpkin patch. But, he is fully aware of my precarious mental state, so maybe it's a wash.) All the older kiddos had wandered off while we chatted like hens, barely watching the younger ones push each other off hay bales and pick all the brown kernels out of the Indian corn.  (Can we still call it that??)  Anywhooo, I texted MB-which he ignored, then called. I said, hey, we are going on the hay ride, c'mon over, see you in a sec.  I thought that was effective. Meanwhile, one of the other moms was handling an altercation with her child and another.  She wasn't getting as far as she would like.  I could see in her eyes that at any moment, her quivering hand was about to rethink her current discipline policy.  Or maybe I'm projecting. Either way, there was conflict. The other mom was talking to us about how tough the "tween" years were, and how she hated how her child's behavior made her behave.  (Oh, when you're a mom, blaming the victim is TOTALLY OKAY. They aren't victims when they are your own children, they are lucky to have survived this long.)
Then, we noticed the bigger kids hadn't gotten back yet. So, I pulled out the old cell phone, and called.  Again.  And said, "Hey. That meant now.  Here. Now." :::click:::
Within 15 seconds, they all came over, walking quickly.  See? Anger is quicker.  And effective.

I can justify just about anything.

Expensive boots: They will last forever, they are a "classic" style, they will get you a job

Eating out when we are saving money: It will give us more time to enjoy our meal as a family, and the kids have too much homework to clean the table off at home. Also, kids eat free on Tuesday/Wednesday/whatever day. And, this one place has the most amazing gluten-free dairy-free blah blah blah, and I just want to feel normal for once  (insert puppy eyes here)

Buying more scrapbooking crap I don't need: It's for MEMORIES, you unsentimental buffoon---how are we SUPPOSED TO GIVE OUR CHILDREN SOMETHING TO REMEMBER US BY WHEN YOU DON'T EVEN CARE ENOUGH TO...oh wait, was I yelling? Must've hit a nerve.  Ahem.

Buying this/that/the other thing: It will make our lives easier/faster/prettier/me happy.  One of these always works.

Cell Phone: (This one is easy...) You use it to track your child (on HIS cell phone), you have an app to find cheap gas which saves money, you have an app to find restaurants that have gluten-free food, you check the weather to decide if you can wear your new boots, you have apps that keep the kids happy at a restaurant so you can enjoy a meal like they are not even there, you keep everything in your calender so you don't forget to go to conference/pick the kids up/show up at the doctor, you can figure out the best route home from work because you can look at real-time traffic, you have an app that lets you take notes which will form into blog posts which will get you a book deal which will add to your net worth.....I can do this all day, folks.

I even have a justification for packaging treats into individual snack-sized baggies instead of being less wasteful and pulling right out of the main giant bag. You see, I'm on Weight Watchers.  And, I have to count the Points Plus value of each thing that crosses my lips. Also, I have food allergies, so I am limited in what I can eat.  I want to get all the bang for each point, so I very meticulously measure out individual servings, so I can grab and go in the mornings. This is how I justify the waste: getting to my goal weight puts less wear and tear on the earth, and having everything ready to go in the morning saves my children and husband from additional obscenity-laced tirades from their in-house crazy person. See? 

Go ahead, test me in the comments. What would you like justified?


  1. @Sally-the poor man had ball cancer, show some respect. And, he put lesbian porn on the hood of his father's car. Airbrushed. This makes all his annoying antics worth it, not everyone can do good lesbian porn in airbrush. It's all about the arts, Sally.

  2. Expensive boots from Nordstrom - you can take them back 10 years later when you want to buy some new ones!

    We totally have to scrap together sometime!

  3. I can justify shoes from Nordstrom any day, especially boots. Here goes:
    They are timeless
    They will last forever
    You get great compliments when you wear them which boosts your ego which is cheaper than therapy and anti-depressants
    They go with everything
    Their return policy is AMAZING!
    Their customer service is amazing
    Their Nordstrom Notes are amazing
    Their selection is amazing

    I could go on for days, but some people work for a living. Yes, we must scrap together! Although, I plan to switch to digital scrapping in the interest of time and space. We will see how that plays out...