Wednesday, October 12, 2011

Things I Never Thought I Would Say, Vol. 1

  • No more sawing pressurized cans in half, even if you cover it with a towel to absorb the shrapnel (truly, said this just 2 weeks ago)
  • Quit body-slamming your sister
  • Don't bring any more things in this house that are alive
  • By the look on your face, I can tell I don't want to smell/taste/see what's in your hand (I've said this more than once)
  • How many more bugs are you planning to kill today?
  • For reals, stop playing with the lawnmower and go read a book!
  • No, you may not have a whipped cream sandwich
  • You're going to have a good time, whether you like it or not 
  • Hello? Poison Control?  Yes, my name is Jenny Babcock/Meredith Smith/Renee Johnson. I hope you can help me, but this one may stump you... (Also, change your phone number each time-that's how they track it...or so I hear)
As a parent, have you ever said anything that made you think, "Holy shit, did I just SAY that?"

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