It has been RUFF lately. I have been grumpy, I have been moody, I have been busy. I'm so NOT a fan of my current sitch. I don't mean to complain (Yes, I DO!), but this shit has gotta AT LEAST take a break. Even dictators need a little vacay, why can't health problems?
Here is what I would do if my fibro went to Hawaii for a week:
I would eat and drink til my heart's content. Pasta, all kinds of fabulous cheeses that I can't pronounce. And, each meal would have wine, perfectly paired, to each course.
Pinot Grigio with a salad of feta, spinach, toasted pepitas, dried cherries
Sauvignon Blanc for the fettuccine alfredo with seafood
a spicy Zin for the filet with carmelized onions and gorgonzola
Something light and dessert-y to go with the chocolate lava cake (I KNOW, so 2005, but it was the most popular over-served dessert for a reason, folks)
I forgot hors d'oeuvres-----
Chik'n Biscuit crackers, salami and spray cheese, accompanied by peach wine coolers. Or berry? Maybe the sex on the beach ones. I always get stuck when pairing chik'n biscuit crackers, I can't remember the rules....
Anyways. After the gorging, I would do all the things I love to do: I would read a great book from beginning to end without stopping (no stopping to walk around and stretch my legs, rub my achy hands, nothing!)
Then, scrapbooking with some other scrappers.
Camping-sitting by the fire eating s'mores, drinking too much, telling stories, going for hikes during the day, watching the kids enjoy nature.
Something out of the ordinary-jet skiing, zip lining, something that will get my blood pumping!
I would also spend a day running all my errands-I would get them all done, and NOT be completely wiped out at the end of it.
I would not take any meds, any vitamins, nor would I visit a single doctor. My week would not be ruled by my health or my limitations.
I could go on for hours, but I won't bore you with my fantasies.
The other night, I was DONE. Done and done. I was coming off a flare-up (3 weeks, ugggh) and grumpy as all get out.
I came home, SK said, how are you? We walked and talked, getting situated for the evening, closing up the house, etc. I turned to him, and said, "I'm not okay." We sat down to talk and the flood gates opened up. I whined about always being sick, everything being centered around me and my health and how much I hated it, even though I new it was necessary. He listened (as he always does, man, I'm lucky) and offered up words of encouragement, tried to help me figure out what caused my feelings (Maybe you are stressed with family coming to visit, Maybe you're premenstrual (Really, this does not make me want to kill him, somehow he manages to make it not irritating), Maybe you have still been working too much) when I just got sick of not knowing what is really, fully, wrong, what are the triggers ('cuz 12 hours of work a week is too much to bear...), just sick of the whole thing. (You would think weekly therapy AND a fabulously supportive husband would be enough, but I am SO NEEDY!)
I cried, cried, cried.
Then, SK offered up the concept of a support group. I found one that meets the last Saturday of each month, about 10 minutes from the house! And, I found a yahoo group, and a facebook group. So, all in all, I have found some places full of supportive people that HAVE BEEN THERE. They know me, my story, my situation, like no one else can.
I am feeling positive about this potential piece for me. I will keep you posted!
I found fibrohugs on facebook, and already made a few friends. I found a Yahoo group, and have refrained from commenting for now, as they are watching my every move. They say it is to keep spammers away, but I think it might also be a mental illness screening tool, so I'm being extra careful. AND!!!!! The fibro/CFS group is awesome! I'm not alone!!!! They are nice, and helpful, welcoming, etc. All the things they should be. More soon! TTFN