But why, you ask, [while you lay around surfing the 'net reading awesome blogs (like this one) while you sport your Old Navy jammie pants eating Eggos dipped in a pool of syrup while you let the kids run loose on a Saturday with Ragamuffin hair in saggy underpants, eating straight from the cereal box watching marathons of Wizards of Waverly Place and Regular Show] would i be raving about taking over the world? (That one hurt my brain to write, so I can't imagine it was easy to read. Sorry, I've been selling Girl Scout cookies (read: trying desperately to not choke necks of said Girl Scouts who refuse to cooperate while reining in the one agreeable child who will not stop folding each dollar bill into a teensy little ball, all while trying to unload a bunch of freaking cookies so I can go home and drink like all the other parents) (Damn, lost you again, didn't I?))))) (Is that enough parentheses? I think I messed up. Could someone correct this blog in red, and get back to me?) (Why do I think I could possibly take over the world, when I can't even get a coherent thought across?)
Where was I?
Oh yes, my plan to take over the world.
Why am I qualified?
You might remember that I've won many prestigious awards in my lifetime. First, there was the Golden Shoelace in first grade. Then, in my tweens, I won a Pepsi contest to fly to LA to see Michael Jackson on the Victory Tour. I won The Corey Hart Album (when it was an album). And a few months ago, I won $5 on a Lottery scratcher.
But today, my friends (because haters don't read me-they are too intimidated), I have outdone even myself. I have won a MAJOR AWARD.
Sadly for Sky King, it is NOT a leg lamp. Hell, even Monkey Boy would like a little leg-lamp action these days.
I won a Liebster Blog Award!!!!
Woo hoo, me!!!!!
I am very very excited!!!!! What is a Liebtser Blog Award?
Well, I'll tell you. The Liebster Blog award is all about honoring blogs that have less than 200 followers. But still kick ass. Which is so me! I know that 31 of you have committed to follow me, embraced me with all your bloggy love. And until another 169 of you come over to the dark side waiting for me to be committed, I will graciously accept this award from my guy. WilyGuy. He's from It's MY Mind! and he is a perfect stranger, in that I have never met him in the real world. He stumbled across my blog (He may have been drunk) and he has been following me ever since (it can't be stalking, if I know he's there, right?) commenting and urging me on. I really do love all the love and adoration I get. From my friends and family, who are as painfully honest as I can be, it means a ton. But when I inspire/amuse/happily shock others who keep coming back for more, it's incredibly affirming that I not only do this for myself (because, well, I'm still a totally selfish egomaniac, after all) but others get something from my writing as well. So, thank you, WilyGuy. Truly, I have been blessed with many riches this past year, and your support is one of those riches.
There are rules to this award. Strings attached, if you will. Not nearly as deflating as those crappy awards where you have to send them $75 for the plaque (my business "Won" one of those just recently...). I didn't have to subscribe to any magazines to increase my chances, either (Suck it, Ed McMahon. Wait, is that bad? To tell a man that has since died to suck it? Either way, I entered every year since I was, like, 8. And nada. Bupkis. So I'm still a bit bitter. Moving on...) The rules are that I must tell you, and award, as a newly-self-important award-giver, 5 other blogs that I think are fab. Here they are, in no particular order (I have always wanted to say that...)
1. My friend through thick and thin (who am I kidding? We are both pretty thick)-Jennie, at Preteens, Toddlers, and Newborns, Oh My! -she has introduced me to more snarkiness than I thought I could ever find. She inspired me to start not one, but two, blogs. (The other fizzled. Yep-this is as good as it gets). I would wax poetic about all her other amazing things like bringing me flowers and 4 more able bodies as well as helping me move, but I will stop here and urge you to go check her out. But not in a creepy jar-of-fingernail-clippings-gift-wrapped way. More of the wow-she's-a-great-writer-and-doesn't-overuse-"fuck"-like-Aimee kind of way. She's funny and smart, and got me to do this (envision sweeping arm movements to indicate all the words on this page). Either she's inspiring, or possibly should be brought up on charges. Or both.
2. Mrs. One Day-She's over at One Day I'm Gonna... and she found me somewhere (once again not sure where) and started following and laughing and commenting and linking and supporting me with her blog love. She's funny, too. I enjoy her humor (I need lots of humor in my life-don't we all?) and she's a fellow Spoonie suffering with some painful bullshit. She deserves love for that alone.
3. Julia from Reasonably Well-she is also a Spoonie, dealing with Sjorgren's. She's a trooper, and didn't even get a restraining order when I suggested she turn her Easter bunny plate collection into a Bunny Zombie Apocalypse. Although to be fair, the paperwork may still be pending. She's pretty informative, funny, and sweet. Basically the complete opposite of me. So when you read her, substitute all the "doctor" references with "fuck" and all the "Sjogren's" references with the word badass, and you pretty much have me. But with more random examples of misdirected punctuation.
4. Carolyn at Bamblue Sewing Blog. I don't really sew. I mean, I can put two pieces of fabric together, especially if it involves a trashy Halloween costume (okay, maybe back in college) but I am not particularly crafty in the sewing world-I think I need more patience. But Carolyn? She is amazing. She sews amazing things for herself and her children (and not crappy handmade stuff like matching polyester Christmas outfits that friends will mock, but badass things I wish I could make/buy at Nordstrom Rack). And she happens to be a dear friend that I have known since forever. She sells fabric online, and just might sew something custom for a brat or two. I dunno. Check out her mad skilz and find out.
5. Last, is Julia. A different Julia. Still a sick Julia. She's at My Fight Against Lyme Disease. I found her after being told to drink lemon water, and then Googling "lemon water lyme disease" so I could remember why. Turns out, it's good for your liver, and a bunch of other stuff I still can't remember. But anyways-Julia. When I got my Lyme diagnosis, it was very scary. New diseases added to the pile always are. And reading her struggles gave me a realistic picture of what I may be up against. She's honest-which you all know I LOVE. She doesn't swear enough, but I'm willing to forgive her, because she has sent me down the path to more information about my health.
What these 5 amazing ladies now get to do, is send out their bloggy love to their 5 faves.
The whole idea is to give blog love, but to also open people's eyes to all the amazing blogs out there-people like you and me that put their crazy down on Internet paper. People that need to be heard, have something to share. Please check out these amazing people-I love them all, even the ones that may not know me. They have all inspired me one way or another.
One last shout-out---
To Jane Juska, twice-published author, former Creative Writing teacher at Ygnacio Valley High (among many thankless jobs)
Jane, I love you, I am inspired by you. You took an angst-ridden 16-year-old and turned me into a writer. You demanded a lot of me when I felt like I had nothing to give. And you did the same for countless AP English and Creative Writing students. Then you went out into the real world and got some shit published like a badass-stuff about late-in-life sex. Your books rock, your life is full of amazing stories, don't stop telling them.
And you, my readers? Click on a "follow" link on the left side, right here...
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...and then leave comments, meant to inspire, encourage, or even correct my horrific misinformation. Blog comments are like a tall glass of water in the desert-wanted, needed, desired, and full of love. They keep us bloggers going, remind us that there are people listening.
BTW, I've had too much wine to proofread-us award winners can be super casual about that kind of shit. It's the Internet equivalent of trashing a hotel room. Deal.
Kisses,
Aimee
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