Tuesday, August 9, 2011

Don't Tase Me, Bro!

Today, I went to the Nerve Specialists for some tests.  I was not looking forward to the tests, because even my Acupuncturist, Dr. D, had told me it would SUCK.  And since he regularly jokes about my treatments giving him carpal tunnel, I figured he was not playin'.

The pamphlet that came with my appointment reminder said that there were two tests:

#1---This test would have a series of metal disks stuck to my skin. Then, a small electric current would be put through my muscles at different points, to test if there was any nerve damage/superhuman powers.

#2---This one was the one where they would insert needles into the muscles, then do some other stuff. Afterward, they would have a one-legged orderly peel me from the ceiling, and wheel me out to the dumpster.

So, I go in, complete with a designated driver.  I get called back, by people that act like they don't know what's about to go down. 

They take my history (read: listen to me reiterate my entire health history, instead of read my file), then talk about how they don't feel that the two tests will be very beneficial, they would like to do the one test, which they say is pretty minor. They say that they think that my issue has to do with RA(Rheumatoid Arthritis), and that the pinched nerve that made my right hand as useless as a mustard-less hotdog was an RA flare, rather than a problem as yet undiagnosed.

So, they begin the first test.  First, they make a series of dots with a sharpie (That'll look SWELL at the husband's reunion this weekend...) then stick some goopy metal disks to my skin. Then, they take something that looks like a taser and jam it into various parts of my hands and arms.  Then, they turn a dial, press a button, and an excruciating current shoots through my tendons and make my fingers twitch at strange angles.  After about 30 minutes of this, they say, "Good news! You definitely don't have Carpal Tunnel Syndrome.  Your pain seems to be related to RA, and you will need to follow up with your primary."

So, I don't have any other disorders that I didn't have yesterday, which is good.  And, there may be some RA meds that will help.  Also, long sleeves are in order for the reunion---I can feel the bruises forming as I type.

The bad news is, there isn't anything wrong with me that is fixable.  Treatable, maybe, but not fixable.  This news made me a bit grumpy, and BBQ albacore only partly fixed my mood.

Maybe some ice cream will help fix the rest?

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