Tuesday, August 2, 2011

Paper or Plastic? Plastic, with an extra bag for my gun

In this job market where there are people with Master's degrees looking to take just about any job, I am even more amazed than usual about the level of stupidity that is in our marketplace. Not that degrees have much to do with common sense, but the stupidity of people seems to know no bounds.

A while back-I guess it would be 6 months or more-I was at a certain big name discount retailer.  I had done a fair bit of damage to their inventory, and had an overflowing cart.  I pulled up to the check-stand, and unloaded.  A few of my items were over-sized-crates that hold file folders, I believe a food processor-things that clearly won't fit into bags.  Also, I had left all my reusable bags at home.  I seem to do this A LOT, and then buy more to assuage my guilt.  Now, I have over 20 of the damned things, so I just suck it up and schlep home with tons of plastic bags that my husband sneaks into the garbage when I am not looking, before I can recycle them.

Back to the story-so, the woman has passed the large items to me, and has begun bagging my items.  In the pile of stuff I was purchasing were 2 reusable lunch bags-you know, the insulated type? She gets to the second one (SECOND!!!!) and says, with it in her hand, "Do you want me to bag this?".  I was a bit surprised, but then I thought maybe it was the irony of putting a bag into a bag.  So I just nodded, and went about my digging for my credit card in my overly full purse.  She continues to bag my items, spinning the bagger thingy.  I am grabbing the bags, and putting them in the cart.  She then holds up a 6-pack of v8s.  You know, the ones that are 6 ounces? The entire thing has the shape of a small loaf of bread.  She then says, "Do you want THIS in a bag?" gesturing to the v8s.  I stare at her.  Then I say, "Yes, please.".  In between, she had crammed some picture frames into a bag, ripping in down the side, causing her to have to throw out a bag and start anew, so I am pretty sure she's not some tree-hugging daisy sniffer that is ferklempt about the over-use of bags in America.  And, even if she was, I'm fairly certain she would not be working at the store I am in.
We move forward, and she asks if I want a 3-pak of sponges bagged.  To which I respond, "Yes.  I would like all my small items in a bag. It will save me several trips back and forth to my car.  Thank you."  This ended our exchange. 

I spent some time musing over how odd the whole experience was, how completely random and unusual it was, with my sis in law and my husband later.  We all had a good laugh, and I forgot about it completely.  UNTIL TODAY.

DUH DUH DUNNNNN  (you know, the creepy cue music when something bad is going to happen....)

I was shopping for some work stuff as well as some hard-to-find school supplies.  Crusing through my local office supply place, I loaded my cart full of pens, pencils, calculators, photo paper, card stock, erasers, and composition books.  I got to the counter, and unloaded the large pile onto the counter, with many of the smaller items sliding to and fro.  As the cashier began to ring the order, he moved them to a different pile.  He then says:

(you know what's coming, right?)

"Do you need a bag with this?"


I look at him, to see what he is specifically gesturing at,  (maybe I put a file cabinet in the cart that I have forgotten about?) and he is gesturing to a heaping pile of pens, sharpies, index cards and pink erasers. What I want to say is, "are you single? If so, I know the perfect chick for you".  Instead, I give him a look that I hope very clearly says, "listen, douche-canoe, not only is that the stupidest thing you could have said, but I might just rip  out your throat with this hole punch". Then, I VERY SLOWLY (so he understands because clearly comprehension is a bit of a stumper for him) "Yes. I would like my purchases bagged."*

He then proceeds to finish ringing my order complete with scanning each item, even when there arw multiples. Each one. Individually. As if the scan gun will somehow KNOW he scanned that particular eraser already, and beep angrily at him.
It won't. Bar codes, although somewhat mysterious, are not that technologically advanced.

This dude is SO LUCKY I'm medicated.

*Only do this in retail establishments-never EVER in restaurants. I know, I waited tables. Never piss off people that have access to your food. Pens, yes. Food, no. You should probably be nice to most doctors, too. Internists, gynecologists and the like. Oh, and dentists.

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