Monday, August 29, 2011

Parents Are Crazy

I just got to spend my only free night this week with parents of other Middle School students.  Many of these people, I have known since the first grade (Monkey Boy's First Grade year, not mine-those people are all in nursing homes).  I like most of them. some I tolerate.  But there is a general "kind" that makes me what to stab myself with a school-issued spork.  The ultra-defensive Single Mom.

Now, I by no means wish to disparage single parents, male or female, in any way.  If this person were married, she would be irritating.  If she had failed to bring new life to our planet, she would probably have a pile of shitszus to bother people with.  But instead, she had a child with some low-life that's not around, (or she drove him to leave the one thing that truly made life worth living?) and now we ALL HAVE TO PAY, through listening to her dither on and on and on about the details of her incredibly busy life that no one could possibly understand.

For instance.  I mean, hypothetically, during a discussion of conferences, she might just happen to mention that she is highly concerned that said conferences should really be offered late in the day for single parents that work, because it is so hard to get 3 hours off.  Then, hypothetically 5 minutes later, she will again raise her ringless hand, and inquire whether ample time will be given to the chaperones for the Spring 4 day trip, so that work accommodations can be made.  Srsly????  WTF???
Lady, I have been listening to this song and dance from you and your hen friends for 6 years now.  My sympathy waned in third grade, when I realized there was a scratch on your record, causing you to rrrreeeeeepppppppeeeeeeeaaaaatttttttttttt. In fifth grade, I gave it another try, hoping you spent some time in the self-help section and Barnes and Noble and had read Who Moved My Cheese or Fish!.  No such luck.  Still poor me, poor my kid, no one understands. 

So, let's recap:
You cannot POSSIBLY attend a conference at 4 pm that will help you understand your child's understanding of US History, Language, and Math with all 3 teachers that they stay after school for.  However, when it comes to a 4-day trip to see some plays, you're in.  Got it.  Mmmmmkay.

I find it inconceivable that someone hasn't snatched you up yet.  Or maybe I don't understand the definition of "inconceivable".  You and me, both, Wallace Shawn.

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