Saturday, November 19, 2011

An Open Letter To All Who Interact with Princess

Dear People of the World:
Please do not, I repeat, DO NOT ask Princess questions.  In fact it is probably best if you just completely avoid eye contact with her, and ignore her altogether.
I know you all may be aware of her, *ahem* outgoing personality.  It’s a tad, shall we say, exuberant.  She has lots to say, and might even roll it all into a charming, rhyming song.  The song might even be somewhat inappropriate, if you’re lucky.  

Here is what we know:
She is a ball of joy.  She brings sunshine and happiness wherever she goes.  She also is VERY honest.  As in, “My mom has hair on her vagina” honest.  Yep, she tells people that. She just recently told a friend, "I was born in jail, because my mom got arrested for beating up a cop".  The friend was amused, and sad to find out the story wasn't true. Not only does she tell crazy true things, she makes up awesome lies.
We are working on the honesty in terms of what she should and should NOT share. For instance, it is not okay for her to tell the people at McDonald’s that “my mom says your food is garbage”.  Also, we try to teach her not to remark on people’s unfortunate bodily issues, because she will just try to find ways to comment in a positive way, without being offensive. Think, “Ummm, I like your shiny purple hair”, or, “Wow!  Those earrings are giant!”  Even, “I like your nose!!” 
Recently, she has upped the ante, so to speak. She is old enough to fully understand most of the adult conversations, but not old enough to know what to repeat, and what gets filed under “no one’s business”.  Therefore, I tend to watch very carefully what conversations we have when she is around.  Life usually intervenes, and I don’t get to filter enough information before it gets to her brain.
For instance:
The other day, she was at the doctor’s office with her dad.  At some point, she chose to tell the doctor, “My brother got a bunch of knives and plays with them.  He LOVES knives.”  Thanks, sweetie.  This admission resulted in a talk with dear ole dad, about how knives may not be the best option for toys for our 12 year old son.  I think my husband’s response was, “Noted.  Is that all?”
To wrap this up:
  • ·         I may need to find a good esthetician to wax my bikini area
  • ·         Princess talks too much
  • ·         We suck at parenting
  • ·         Ugly people should avoid our daughter. And our son too, because he carries knives.


  1. Wow I thought those kind of candid comments only occurred on the Brady Bunch. Your princess sounds like quite the pistol. My princess wakes up talking, fortunately not about me and my obviously unwaxed bikini area.

    My middle boy is 14 and also really likes knives... Spooky.

    I'm now following your hilarity and have linked your blog.

  2. Glad to have you around---hope I don't scare you off----she IS quite a pistol. I hear she takes after her mama.