Sunday, November 27, 2011

Tuesday Tutorial #2

Yeah, I know it's not Tuesday.  Pretend it's Tuesday.  Like, if you were in Australia. And it was Tuesday. or, you woke up after a head injury and you were unsure what day it was. No?-I have chronic pain, asshole. Show some compassion. Damn.  I'm not even sure I want to show you my bad-ass idea now.


Fine. Just because you're a jerk doesn't mean the world should suffer without my awesome craftiness.  As you know, because you spend most of your free time hanging on my every word, my kiddos both go to an amazing Montessori Charter school for 2nd and 7th grades. Each Christmas, I try to come up with fun gifts for the teachers.  I avoid the usual junk-things based on pencils, note pads, apples. I usually steer clear of bath and body items as well-I'm sure many people will do that. As a former teacher, I know what I wanted to get and that was gift cards, or cash. Some schools have policies on cash, and the OCD crafter in me can't do it, unless it's done super-creatively. Since I suck at money origami, I do gift cards.

Monkey Boy has three teachers-they rotate from room to room like traditional middle schools, but electives are taught by volunteer parents and there are only 3 staff members, so still the close-knit community that I love.
I figured out a creative way to give gift cards! First, you take a reusable insulated cup, and place a gift card inside.

Set it on it's side, and put in some crap to hold the gift card still.  I used some re-purposed (that's fancy talk for garbage) bows that are curly and not too smooshed. You could also use confetti as a passive-aggressive way to be mean. We all know no one likes confetti. Except janitors that get paid by the hour. Or raffia if you have it.  Or maybe crumple up some of your child's best work, and stuff them in there. Although that may send the wrong message, like maybe you think they gave your kid good grades because you give awesome gifts.
Anyways, cram some stuff in there, otherwise it looks just like you threw a Starbuck's card in a cup. Which would be rude. Unless it was a $100 gift card.  Then, you can pretty much throw it at them. I know-I was a teacher, and I had no shame when the gift card amount was high. I'm a professional, y'all.

Then, you put a couple more in there, 3 fit nicely.

Now remember, my kids are pretty much total train wrecks, so I go big. 3 teachers, 3 gift cards for $10 each card, plus the cup.  Maybe you have good kids. If that is the case, you could do something different, like 3 cards of $5 each, in a card. Or maybe you are just a cheap unappreciative asshole. Or you are only doing a gift because you don't want to look like a jerk, but you really don't like the teacher. In which case, just buy them some crappy body wash from the grocery store, asshole.

Of course, if you like me and my blog, you probably have rotten kids too. Or, you think I make all this shit up for your amusement.  if that's the case, yes, I make this up.  I'm that creative. My kids are really quite sweet, and I got each teacher a $3 Whitman's Sampler.  Moving on.

So, the cup should look like this:

I used 3 different food gift cards.  Because themes kick ass. Then, I'm going to attach an awesome little fancy note that will say something cute.  Because my gifts are the bad-ass rock stars of gifts.  My gifts show other gifts what's up. They have throngs of scantily-clad other gifts following them, throwing their bows at That just got weird.   What I'm trying to say is that, I rock as a gift-giver. You'd be lucky to get a gift from me. That's all.
Anyways, back to the card. It will be something like,

You spend each year feeding the minds of the children. Now, we will return the favor! From: The coolest family everpleasedon'tfailmykid.

I haven't done it yet, because I was doing this blog, trying to please you.  Stop judging me

You throw it all into a wine gift bag, and, voila!

Yes, you may steal. You're welcome.


  1. Nice! If I were a teacher, I would totally dig getting this, but I'd probably fail your kids just so you'd have to come in for lots of parent teacher conferences and make me laugh my ass off like this post did.


  2. I'm going to assume that is why my son's grades are as poor as they are.

  3. Too cute! You can judge the route I went when you see it... :)