Me: Hey…can you drive me to Target, so I can pick up some more wine glasses?
Sky King: No. I’ll go. What else do you need?
Me: I need some of those thingies that I use to put the stockings up, those sticky things that remove, from the commercials.
SK: Fine. I’m going.
Me: Wait! I wanna go too!
SK: No way. It’ll take forever. I will be just in and out.
Me: Please? I promise we will only get the two things. Oh, and some nice candy dishes. 3 things, that’s it, I swear. (This is where I do the Girl Scout Promise, with three fingers, hand raised)
SK: Fine. Let’s go. And remember, you promised. Just 3 things. And anyways, why are you even doing anything? You were laid up on the couch being bitchy and in pain, just an hour ago.
Me: I took my pain pill. So I feel great, and full of energy. That’s what they’re for.
SK: No, they are for getting rid of pain so you can relax. Not do more stuff.
Me: Ummm, no. That wouldn’t work for me at all. I take them to get rid of the pain, so I can do more stuff.
SK: You’re just going to pay tomorrow.
Me: No, I’ll pay in January. When I sober up.
::: We go to Target, and I happen to grab a crinkly paper Santa hat centerpiece for the kids’ table :::
SK: 3 THINGS! YOU SAID, “3 THINGS”!
Me: Yeah, but I can just grab this one thing, it was about the time, not the number of items. If it takes….hey where are you going?
SK: To the wine glasses. You’re pissing me off.
Me: So, no paper Santa garland, then? Last chance…
SK: (Harrumph) Let’s go.
Me: You get in line, lemme run back and grab that table cloth. I really do need it, it’ll only take a sec (as I run off, leaving him to get in line)
SK: (via text message) Better hurry.
Me: Okay, I’m here, oh and the girls at work need new calendars, so this saves me a trip!
SK: I knew it. Whatever.
Me: (crams two table cloths, two calendars, and two table runner on the belt, putting the calendars over the table runners he hasn’t noticed. Kinda like when you used to buy condoms, and put them under a bag of chips.)
::: on the way to the car. Sky King seems to have developed a tic that causes him to shake his head slowly back and forth, with his eyes closed. I’m beginning to worry:::
SK: I can’t believe you talked me into all this crap.
Me: What?!? You think I would change, like, overnight? Who’s the crazy one now?
SK: I thought I could control you.
Me: Yeah. That’s pretty much where you fucked up. It’s like you don’t even know me.