Friday, May 13, 2011

Choices, and jokes

OK-from the name of my blog, I should be talking at least a little about Fibromyalgia.  I am truly sorry.  However, my excuse is that I have really enjoyed starting this blog, and have all these great posts swimming in my head.  Once again, my sincere apologies, and the warning that this blog is not all about my illness.  The point has always been, and will continue to be about my struggles with my health issues, and the wacky adventures that ensue because of my new normal.
So, an update on my health. But first, a little fibro humor for y'all.

What do you get when you take 6 depressants with 2 antidepressants in a 24 hour period?

Wait for it.......

An anxiety attack!!!!  Bahahahahahahahaha.  Not funny?  No?  But, true.

Remember my post, here?

Well. That was just the beginning.  And, because I am apparently cerebrally challenged now and again, I did not recognize the drama I inflicted upon myself. Here is the short version:

Friday: BUSY day at work, lots of stress.  Body in major pain. Had glass of wine at home, 9 pm.  Forgot my meds at 6:30. Made up for it right before bed (including my antidepressant).
Sat AM: can barely function-throw stuff in bag, do hair and makeup for Anniversary Trip, warn hubby it is narcotic pain relief time, and I'm checking out for the day.
Sat Afternoon: more narcotic pain relief. Relaxing fun also. Then, fabulous dinner out. Wine.
Sat PM: back to hotel, take meds (including antidepressant and narcotic pain relief). Head down to hotel bar. Wine.
Sun AM: feeling sore, but better.
Mon: complete meltdown, as referenced above.
Tues: workday.  Barely made it through 4 hours. Kept getting urge to run from building.
Weds: workday. Once again, hanging by a thread. Stayed only til absolute necessary tasks completed, 2.5 hours. Went to run errands. Had to stop and take big breaths, felt chest tightening.
Weds Afternoon: Called Sky King. he knew right away, told me to meet him at home, went to park to talk, cry, be hugged.
Thurs: Therapist. Normally, she is a quiet, calm, thoughtful person.  You never can seem to tell what she is thinking, how she feels. When I told her I thought I had had an anxiety attack, she had me recap the prior days, like I did for you above.  Then, she got a bit huffy, for her.  She took a deep breath, and said, "So, you are telling me that you took 6 depressants along with 2 antidepressants over the course of 24 hours, and you're confused as to why you don't feel well? Really?".

Duh. She wasn't as harsh as I depicted, but the point was the same. 

Then, we talked for quite a while about choices.  I have chosen to seek out help for my health problems. I chose to work on all aspects of my health: food, lifestyle, exercise, thoughts.  I chose to give up dairy, gluten, artificial sweeteners, MSG. I chose to go to therapy, to work on my stress, my life, my choices. I chose to be stuck with numerous needles every Monday.  I chose to start a weight loss journey.
And I chose to screw it all up with wine and meds.

Once again, she is holding me accountable for my life.  I had the choice.  I know that my meds don't mix well with alcohol. I told myself that the wine helps me relax. I told myself that I could not go through the day without pain pills, and I took them.
But, I am nothing, if not a "learn from my own mistakes" kinda gal.

So-I am choosing to be more mindful of the choices I make, and how they might affect me. I can't choose whether work is stressful sometimes. But, I can choose how I manage that stress. I can research better tools, and use those tools. I can approach my health with a holistic approach. Western medicine can only take me so far. I only get this body once-I need to take better care of it.

While I can't control the hand I have been dealt, I CAN play the cards I have been dealt, rather than avoid the game altogether.

Know any good Fibro jokes?

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