Wednesday, May 4, 2011

My Inner Geek Transcends...

I want cat-butt magnets.  I don't know why.  Well, actually, I do-one of my aunts came up with a phrase that perfectly epitomizes martyrs that don't do anything fun, just spend all day saying things like, "that's okay, I will (do it, take care of it, clean it, whatever)".  She stated it like this: "That's okay, I'll lick the cat's butt".  It puts martyrdom in perspective. So, the next time you're at a PTA meeting, and some simpering freakazoid with a peach twinset says, "So, anyhoooo, we could REALLY use someone that could show up at 6 am on Sunday, to make sure it all goes smoothly", remember, don't be the fool to lick the cat's butt.  Look down, check your smartphone, pretend to respond to an important text, take a sip of filtered water through your BPA-safe water bottle, something  Just don't offer to lick the cat's butt.

Because of this concept, coined over 15 years ago, I was compelled to purchase a cat butt air freshener for my dad's stocking this past year.  AND, I saw cat butt magnets in a shop at Pike's Place market in Seattle in January.  AND, I saw them on the fridge on the show United States of Tara (which I LOVE because it makes me feel less crazy, but also makes me draw uncomfortable parallels between my husband and Max-wow, they put up with a lot of shit, right?). So.  I shoulda bought them when I had the chance.  'Cause, now, I'm a poser that wants to be like an odd TV show.  Instead of just a weirdo. 

And, the wallpaper border in the kitchen on United States of Tara.  Has anyone else noticed it??? It is shadow cut-outs of people.  I WANT IT.  Of course, I need to probably buy a home to put it in.  But really, that's just details.  Carts, and horses, and all. I won't be a total copycat, I would like it in maroon (or maybe sage?), instead of the terra cotta color they have on the show. 

Liking weird things is NOT a symptom of fibromyalgia.  For those of you that knew me before I had this awesome famous blog that has rocketed me to web stardom, I have always liked weird things.

 Of course, I like cool things, too.  I liked my Rainbow shirt, back when rainbows were synonymous with unicorns, hearts, and 12 year old girls.  You know the one-it was white with 3/4 sleeves, with a rainbow across the chest that ALSO went onto the sleeves, in some seamless rainbow miracle.  If you don't remember these, then you are younger than me, which means I don't like you much.  Anyways-I am trying to prove the point that I have a history of liking cool things. 

I like Adele.  But also Eminem-I'm edgy like that.  Nothing says "cool" like an overweight 38 year old with freckles busting out some hardcore Eminem. In the minivan.  (I like to call it the Thug Wagon, if that helps.)
And, I like the old Enya stuff, that makes you think of metaphysical bookstores from the late 80's.

I have grown fond of tea sets.  Still can't really stand tea, though.  So that's one for the "Weird" column. Damn. I was doing so good.  I was going to mention the "Guess" jeans I had (yes, WITH the zippers at the ankles) but then I remembered they were yellow instead of denim.  Decidedly loser-ish. Like, almost cool, but failing. 

So, I am more weird than cool. At least I am living down to the standards of my 12 year old son.  I am SOOOO uncool to him.  (Maybe it has something to do with the spontaneous dance party I tried to start in his class last year?)

I am now in search of more weird things.  It's time to embrace my inner geek, and give her a great big wedgie.

1 comment:

  1. Tea sets are very good for whiskey. So is Eminem, now that I think about it. Whiskey is not good for thug wagons. Unless you're driveway drinking. No, I've never done that.

    God, I'm such a liar.