Friday, May 13, 2011

How ironing out the irony almost lost me a friend

I love irony.  But, I HATE ironing.

Today, I had coffee with a galpal (what, am I fodder for a tabloid now? I don't know where "galpal" came from...) that I hadn't caught up with in a while.
Now is where I pat my own back, because as she sat down, she said, "what's up?". Meaning, why are we meeting, what specific thing do we need to discuss. Not that we don't enjoy each other's company-we do. It's just that our meetings usually spring from a need, rather than a desire to connect.
Well, the New Improved Me (NOW, with 30% more patience) got to say, "Nothing. I just wanted to get together and chat." Which we did, for a long time. Until she had to be somewhere else, and it was wonderful.

We caught up, discussed some fun topics, shared a few secrets, made some plans.

And, because we are both a little bit off (I'm understating, 'cause THAT is a whole 'nother Oprah), we got onto strange topics, like applying lotion in public (we are both pro, and frankly, I am so pro-lotioning that I had never given it a thought til she drew attention to it). Also, big fans of flossing.  When I got crap in my teeth, it gots ta go. It's not like I use a gnawed chicken bone, people.  I'm demure.  For me.

Which got us onto the thin veneer of civilization we both happen to flaunt, over the thickly spackled crust of trailer park. We went back and forth, talking about all the things that make us cringe. Here are some highlights:

Buffets: When you peer around at other patrons either chewing with their mouths open, or drinking gravy from the soup bowls, are we the only two people in the world that hear "one of of us" being chanted deep in the recesses of our minds?

Wise Buys: this is like the Dollar Store (which I LOVE), but a $10 version.  Maybe it is the smell of $10 synthetic shoes, or the sweaters with one long sleeve and one short (what do you expect for $10?), but this place gives us both the heebie-jeebies. i have heard people sing the praises of this place It's charms are beyond the both of us (which is saying A LOT, because we both love thrift stores...).

So you can see where this conversation went, for much of the morning. we are two very twisted minds, that think a lot alike. Then. She dropped a bomb on me.

I was talking about how contradicting we both are, and I said, "I floss my teeth in public, wearing my best Nordstrom boots. Gotta love irony."

She looked at me, as if I made some horrible social faux pas (almost like I was actually flossing right then, and flicked some tooth funk her way), and said, "I despise irony."

Gasp!  Who IS this person? Have I been consorting with the enemy for almost 2 years?

Then, I realized it was the din of the Starbuck's we were at.  Ironing. She thought I loved ironing.  And she was telling me, in no uncertain terms, this was NOT a love we shared. I clarified, we laughed. We briefly discussed how much we both hate ironing-which was a bit redundant, as it was obvious our skills with ironing were lacking, at best. the conversation continued on.

Phew. THAT was a close one.

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